What You Don’t Know About Depression Can Kill You

In the wake of my post last week, The Black Hole of Depression, the Huffington Post obligingly published a highly relevant first-person account:

When You’re Depressed, You Can’t Pull Yourself Up by Your Bootstraps

Or as I put it, ” If the problem is that your brain doesn’t work correctly, can you think your way out of that… with your brain?”

Remember, you read it here first :)

A couple of points about the Huff Post column:

1). Not caring about anything as a symptom of depression. “Things that you used to enjoy no longer interest you” is a commonly listed symptom of depression, and was certainly true for the columnist above.

(If you are curious what this might look like, check out the Star Trek: Voyager episode “Extreme Risk” from the 5th season. Oddly, there was another episode during the same season in which yet another crew member grappled with depression. Note that violence therapy, which was presented as the recovery “bootstrap” in both episodes, is NOT a recommended treatment plan!)

Indifference does not occur in everyone with depression, however. It certainly should not be depended upon as an identifying indicator. As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, there is no “before” to compare with for people who are chronically depressed (or at least, not one they remember). And some people experience extremes of emotions, rather than no emotions – I certainly did.

2). He felt “overwhelmed.” HSPs are familiar enough with that, for sure! And from his description of what was going on in his life, it seems like a reasonable reaction, right? But the important thing to note is not what he felt, but what it motivated him to do. It didn’t spur him to rethink or delegate, it immobilized him. That’s a perfect example of what I mentioned in Black Hole, about normal “negative” emotions not functioning the way they are supposed to when someone is depressed.

So does feeling too overwhelmed to function mean someone is depressed? Not necessarily. It could mean having unrealistic expectations of our own capacities because we’re HSPs and don’t know it (or men, and can’t admit it!). But if you stay that way, it’s a possibility to consider.

Unfinished Business

I don’t know if this has anything to do with introversion or being HSP, but it’s what I’m thinking about right now, so I’m going to write about it anyway. Yesterday I discovered, quite by accident, that someone I once had contact with on a daily basis had died. Continue reading

The Black Hole of Depression

scream faceRecently, a fellow HSP blogger raised the question of whether knowing one is an HSP might make depression a little easier to handle. In other words, could knowing you are an HSP help you to take a step back and become conscious of your own reactions and needs, instead of automatically acting them out? Continue reading

Down Time Illuminated

Whether it's from being an HSP or an introvert, or both, the gigantic mismatch between the amount of down time I seem to need, and the actual time I have left after working and running a household continues to be a major issue. Continue reading

My Favorite Housemates are Feline

I was recently struck by a sub-heading in Holly Klassen’s Huffington Post blog piece on parenting as an introvert: “They are with you ALL THE TIME.”

I don’t know whether it’s an introvert thing or an HSP thing, or both, but that sentence neatly encapsulates my experience of other human presences. They don’t have to be doing anything, or saying anything. They don’t even have to be awake. Just the awareness of their presence in some way engages a portion of my energy, rendering it unavailable for other purposes. It’s like a computer process that runs in the background and eats up all your RAM, slowing down normal tasks, and making high-resource tasks impossible.

A dozing cat lies on a desktop shelfThis doesn’t happen with animal companions, however. I have often contemplated why I prefer to live with animals, but was never able to pinpoint it – until I read that sentence. The cats I share a home with are also with me, literally, all the time, not just somewhere in the house, but often in the same room I am in.  Yet somehow, my attention is not engaged in the same energy-consumptive way. If this is true for other HSPs, it may explain why HSPs are more likely than average to have a strong affinity with animals. Continue reading

Listening Underneath

When I was in my teens, I became aware that I experienced a certain kind of connection with some people, but not with others. When I met someone, I “listened underneath” (as I thought of it), and if I couldn’t perceive them that way, was unlikely to feel that we had much in common.

I had forgotten all about listening underneath until recently. Continue reading

Valueless Lesson

A blank mask without a face behind itIt’s so annoying to have to leave a job just when you’re getting good at it. I’d like to at least know what happened with my boss. I have the distinct impression our conflict was about something other than it appeared to be. Unfortunately, Mr. Not So Nice After All Guy isn’t owning up. Is that fair? Yeah, yeah, life ain’t. That doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Supposedly, HSPs have superior intuitive and empathetic perception. I’m not entirely convinced on that point. I have been told more than once that I discerned things a person didn’t even recognize about him/herself, usually long after the fact (and mostly by water signs, but that’s another post). On the other hand, I seem to be singularly blind to red flags in an employment context. Continue reading

To Those Who Put Themselves Out There

Well, the axe fell. I’m a little frazzled, but feeling better about it than I expected. In fact, I’m feeling grateful – to all the HSPs and introverts who show themselves through videos and books and blogs and interviews, to help me learn that I can still feel OK about myself, even in moments like this.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

HSP Ethics at Work

triangular red alert sign in front of dark storm cloudSigh. Just when I was getting on my financial feet again, a big storm blew up at work, and I’m not sure my job will survive it.

This has happened before. Frequently, in fact. When an employer bad-mouthed a single parent co-worker for staying home with a sick child, I felt compelled to stand up for her. I was fired within the week (and so was she, a few months later).

I’ve  also departed from several companies over dishonest sales tactics or false promises to customers or clients. Employers salivate over my ability to connect, but become disgruntled when I decline to dishonor those connections to their advantage.

Then there have been more complex situations, involving bullying circles, or employees close to the boss who exploited that situation at the the expense of others. I haven’t always been the target in these situations, but I know what it feels like. I couldn’t stand by and watch the same thing happen to others. Continue reading

The Limitations of Being Highly Sensitive

One of the things that often shows up on lists of HSP characteristics is saying yes to things you don’t actually want to do. My theory is that we go into instant overwhelm when faced with a choice between displeasing ourselves or displeasing another person. Saying yes becomes a panic-stricken release valve to resolve the immediate stress. We feel good about ourselves, and the other person is also happy. Until we have to fulfill, or renege on, our promises, that is.

If you have a lot of trouble with this, here are a couple of videos you may find useful. The first one encourages us, among other things, to take a page from the introvert book (even if you’re an extrovert), and make our default answer “I’ll think about it,” rather than “yes.” Continue reading