Category Archives: Introversion

Go placidly amid the noise and haste – easy for you to say

Posted in Depression, HSP, Introversion, Journey by

I hate protests. Introvert me hates crowds. HSP me hates the noise and other sensory overload. And angry shouting spikes my trauma survivor anxiety. Intentionally draw attention to myself in the midst of that?! Are you insane??!! Do you not realize there are walls of bodies hundreds deep and traffic jams blocking your escape???!!! (Oh yeah, I definitely realize that).

A sea of tightly packed protestors fills the national mall in front of the U.S. Capitol

Aaakk!!

Last but not least, risk factors require me to avoid contracting COVID at all costs… and my last booster was 6 months ago.

But when in the course of human events any form of government becomes destructive, it’s time to stand up and be counted, even when every cell in my body is screaming “Get me OUT of here, RIGHT NOW!” Trump’s onslaught of chaos hasn’t directly impacted me yet, but it can’t be long before it does. And it’s already hurt so many people, so badly. I can’t stand by and do nothing. I doubt anyone reading a blog called Sensitive Type can.

Vexatious to the Spirit

I’ve been pondering the psychology of Trump and Musk supporters for years. Or rather, psychologies, as there are doubtless different stokes for different folks. In theory, I sort of understand some of them, though in my unboundaried HSP heart, I’m not sure I can ever fully comprehend someone who has repressed awareness of the distress of others. For better or worse, that’s just not a capacity I have.

Trump/Musk devotees, for all their talk of individualism, prefer to travel in herds. Maybe they need the incessant reinforcement and repetition to drown out their inherent perception of reality. So protesters don’t just create crowds for themselves. Those whose lives have already been kicked in the teeth by Trump’s policies need to see they are not forgotten and alone, and those who are beginning to see the light need models for stepping outside of their previous comfort zone.
3 women at a protest viewed from behind, holding hands

Speak Your Truth

This Saturday, April 5th, there will be protests happening all over the U.S., including my small city. I don’t even have to get on a bus, and I have access to a quiet space only a block away if it gets to be too much. Protesting is never easy for me, but I don’t think it can get much less hard than this.

If I can do it, perhaps you can too? Look up your local march location and time, meditate or take kava (or both), scope out a nearby quiet zone in case you need a break, unleash your creative skills on a sign, draft your two friends, put on a privacy-protecting N95 (probably a good idea anyway with all that spittle flying), square your shoulders, gather your resolve, and do what needs to be done.

If you really can’t (I believe you), some locations have scheduled virtual protests for people with disabilities (and thumbs up to whoever finally noticed that protests aren’t for everyone). Just search the Hands Off! site for “virtual.” Since they’re remote, it probably doesn’t matter where you are (but mind the time zones).

Nurture Strength of Spirit

And if you need to vent afterwards, feel free to come back and comment here. I know the private heroism an act like this requires for people like us, even if no one else understands what the big deal is. But unless you’ve been living under a rock or on another planet for the past 2 months, I don’t need to tell you how important it is.

See you there.
Dew hangs from a fragile spider web, against a blurred background

Why Do You Ask?

Posted in HSP, Introversion by

Do you have a bottled-up (or not) rant about ritual questions asked by people who don’t want to know, and the social tyranny which obliges phony answers even when they are the opposite of the truth? Then here’s a treat for you by the prolific, inimitable, illusionary (about which more later) British poet, Brian Bilston.

Brian Bilston New Year Office Chitchat How was your Christmas? he asks at the water cooler and, as the machine gurgles, she thinks about the bloodstained rug and the silent scraping of the spade in the garden at midnight and the wash wash washing of her hands, and the dreams, those endless dreams which haunt the night-time and smudge their thumbprints on the day to come, and she replies Super, thanks. Yours?

As posted by the author on Facebook, January 2, 2024. All rights his.

Brian Bilston is a rising star on the UK poetry scene, with his self-deprecatory, ironic, infinitely various, and frequently hilarious poems. I suspect Continue reading →

The Tyrannical Touchstone of Normalness

Posted in HSP, Introversion, Journey by

As I mentioned in my last post, I have been endeavoring “to learn to accept humans as we are.” After a brush with Buddhism reassured me that I am not the first person to grapple with pain, I turned to psychology, which has been more specifically helpful.

First, I discovered the overwhelming prevalence of “optimism bias” – predicting positive outcomes to an unrealistic degree. This helped me comprehend the unfathomable insistence by a large percentage of Americans that an epidemic which has killed more than 600,000 people was either fictional or insignificant.

To Err is Human

Since my last post, I have learned about a few other common psychological phenomena Continue reading →

Rest

Posted in Depression, Introversion, Journey by

A slim hand moves jigsaw puzzle pieces laid out on a table.Having accomplished a self-directed life where I answer to no clock but my own, I struggle constantly with the balance between activity and down time. I often suspect the struggle is with self-judgment rather than time management, but I’m never quite confident enough of that to surrender myself wholeheartedly to my periods of rest. Maybe that’s why I need so much of it!

Like most human experiences, this one is neither unique to me, nor new. It was with a dawning sense of vindication that I listened to the following articulate and compassionate defense of down time from a book published by Herbert J. Hall more than a century ago. Hall received his M.D. from Harvard in 1895, and soon gravitated towards patients with “nervous complaints.” He was clearly well-acquainted with negative self talk long before the phrase was coined.

Here is a chapter from his 1915 book, The Untroubled Mind, now in the public domain. Continue reading →

Coping

Posted in Depression, HSP, Introversion by

I wonder if HSPs have an advantage in a crisis, as we are already very familiar with overwhelm. While that’s no guarantee that we are better equipped to deal with it, at least it’s not a new feeling. If we have learned to balance our sensitivities with a sense of perspective, perhaps we can rediscover sooner than others that our emotional reaction is not a measure of our capacity to cope.

Global pandemic really shouldn’t surprise anyone, as we have had a high level of rapid international travel for at least 70 years. What’s surprising is that it didn’t happen sooner. I don’t expect that to be a comfort, but I am ever-hopeful it will promote facing and planning for other future challenges (not holding my breath, though).

Hunkered Down

A chipmunk peers warily out from between large boulders
Continue reading →

In Which, At Last, My Ship Arrives

Posted in Depression, HSP, Introversion, Journey by

After six years of integrating a new understanding of my own character, the last three of which were focused on an agonizingly slow career evolution, things are looking up. My new profession finally gelled, and a lot of other things that were on hold along with it are finally flowing too.
An old time sailing ship on a calm sea
I started this blog hoping for such an outcome, and also hoping that sharing my process along the way would be useful to others. It didn’t quite work out that way, especially for the past couple of years. The things that were getting in the way of my working life also got in the way of my blogging life.

And the Answer Is…

An elaborate old metal key on a rusty chainI’d give you the magical life-fixing key, but it turns out I had it all along, and you probably do too. The trick is having enough faith to try it in the door.

If there is a secret, it’s self-acceptance. Reconsidering personality through the prisms of introversion, sensory processing sensitivity, and Clifton Strengths helped me give myself permission to be who I am, and to build my life around my own physical and emotional comfort, without drowning in guilt or shame.

It still feels a little daring just to write that. What’s so horrible about needing to feel respected at work, anyway? No one would find that excessive in a man. But the female role monster lurks in corners, ready to pounce on me for my unwomanly egotism.

This is Your New Life

My new life is a lot like my old one. I still have to stick to my depression management program. I still struggle with internalized critical voices, and the stresses of being an HSP introvert in a mostly unsympathetic culture.

And yet, it feels different. Things I have been visualizing for years (if not decades), are finally coming to pass. I followed my own drummer, and it turned out OK. It seemed like every other decision was waiting for that affirmation. I was afraid to let go of other things, even when they were weighing me down, whether unneeded possessions or short term jobs I hated. My backup plan was failure. Some security!
A dirt road through an open savannah curves in the distance towards the clearing sky and a lone tree
This isn’t the end of Sensitive Type, because it isn’t the end of a road. More like another twist on the spiral. Progress is so incremental, and there will be other challenges and other deepenings, I’m sure. See you then.

Negative Emotions Are Key to Well-Being

Posted in Depression, HSP, Introversion by

Hah, I knew it! In this Scientific American article, a psychotherapist discusses the benefits of “negative” emotions, and the risks of repressing them. Maybe we should stop calling them “negative” and instead refer to them as transformative. What’s that you say – “transformative” could apply to all emotions? Exactly.