My Favorite Housemates are Feline

Posted in About Me, HSP, Introversion by

I was recently struck by a sub-heading in Holly Klassen’s Huffington Post blog piece on parenting as an introvert: “They are with you ALL THE TIME.”

I don’t know whether it’s an introvert thing or an HSP thing, or both, but that sentence neatly encapsulates my experience of other human presences. They don’t have to be doing anything, or saying anything. They don’t even have to be awake. Just the awareness of their presence in some way engages a portion of my energy, rendering it unavailable for other purposes. It’s like a computer process that runs in the background and eats up all your RAM, slowing down normal tasks, and making high-resource tasks impossible.

A dozing cat lies on a desktop shelfThis doesn’t happen with animal companions, however. I have often contemplated why I prefer to live with animals, but was never able to pinpoint it – until I read that sentence. The cats I share a home with are also with me, literally, all the time, not just somewhere in the house, but often in the same room I am in.  Yet somehow, my attention is not engaged in the same energy-consumptive way. If this is true for other HSPs, it may explain why HSPs are more likely than average to have a strong affinity with animals. Continue reading →

Listening Underneath

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When I was in my teens, I became aware that I experienced a certain kind of connection with some people, but not with others. When I met someone, I “listened underneath” (as I thought of it), and if I couldn’t perceive them that way, was unlikely to feel that we had much in common.

I had forgotten all about listening underneath until recently. Continue reading →

Valueless Lesson

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A blank mask without a face behind itIt’s so annoying to have to leave a job just when you’re getting good at it. I’d like to at least know what happened with my boss. I have the distinct impression our conflict was about something other than it appeared to be. Unfortunately, Mr. Not So Nice After All Guy isn’t owning up. Is that fair? Yeah, yeah, life ain’t. That doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Supposedly, HSPs have superior intuitive and empathetic perception. I’m not entirely convinced on that point. I have been told more than once that I discerned things a person didn’t even recognize about him/herself, usually long after the fact (and mostly by water signs, but that’s another post). On the other hand, I seem to be singularly blind to red flags in an employment context. Continue reading →

To Those Who Put Themselves Out There

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Well, the axe fell. I’m a little frazzled, but feeling better about it than I expected. In fact, I’m feeling grateful – to all the HSPs and introverts who show themselves through videos and books and blogs and interviews, to help me learn that I can still feel OK about myself, even in moments like this.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

HSP Ethics at Work

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triangular red alert sign in front of dark storm cloudSigh. Just when I was getting on my financial feet again, a big storm blew up at work, and I’m not sure my job will survive it.

This has happened before. Frequently, in fact. When an employer bad-mouthed a single parent co-worker for staying home with a sick child, I felt compelled to stand up for her. I was fired within the week (and so was she, a few months later).

I’ve  also departed from several companies over dishonest sales tactics or false promises to customers or clients. Employers salivate over my ability to connect, but become disgruntled when I decline to dishonor those connections to their advantage.

Then there have been more complex situations, involving bullying circles, or employees close to the boss who exploited that situation at the the expense of others. I haven’t always been the target in these situations, but I know what it feels like. I couldn’t stand by and watch the same thing happen to others. Continue reading →

The Limitations of Being Highly Sensitive

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One of the things that often shows up on lists of HSP characteristics is saying yes to things you don’t actually want to do. My theory is that we go into instant overwhelm when faced with a choice between displeasing ourselves or displeasing another person. Saying yes becomes a panic-stricken release valve to resolve the immediate stress. We feel good about ourselves, and the other person is also happy. Until we have to fulfill, or renege on, our promises, that is.

If you have a lot of trouble with this, here are a couple of videos you may find useful. The first one encourages us, among other things, to take a page from the introvert book (even if you’re an extrovert), and make our default answer “I’ll think about it,” rather than “yes.” Continue reading →

Taking Shape – HSP/Introversion & Social Life

Posted in About Me, HSP, Introversion, Resources by

daffodils in bloomI’ve been busy with my new job (which is, happily, working out), so I haven’t had time to do more than think about being an HSP/introvert lately. Nevertheless, I can feel my understanding of both evolving. I’m beginning to see probable HSPs and introverts in my daily environment, as well as to identify them in the memories of my past interactions. It gives me a better understanding of other peoples’ motivations and responses, as well as of my own. I don’t know if I necessarily feel better about people I had conflicts with, but those conflicts feel less personal. I realize that they really didn’t comprehend how I experience things at all. And I didn’t understand that they didn’t understand.

I’m also beginning to perceive at least a little about how introversion and high sensory processing sensitivity are different, especially in the area of interactions. Continue reading →

Ode to the Introvert

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Headshot of poet Arthur William Edgar O'Shaughnessy" Movers and shakers. Who appears on your mindscreen when you hear that phrase? Corporate CEOs? Elected officials? Activist film stars? In other words, extroverts. Or at the very least, skilled extrovert emulators.

But if we look at the first verse of Ode, in which 19th century poet Arthur William Edgar O’Shaughnessy coined that phrase, he seems to be describing an entirely different sort of person:

We are the music makers,
And we are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers,
And sitting by desolate streams;—
World-losers and world-forsakers,
On whom the pale moon gleams:
Yet we are the movers and shakers
Of the world for ever, it seems.

Wandering alone in nature? World losing and forsaking? In other words, introverts. And what’s more, loners!

If you read the entire poem, Continue reading →

Time Trials

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I’m happy to report I’ve found additional work. Less happily, two months in, I’m hearing something I’ve heard too many times before: “Less depth, more speed.”
animated clock face with spinning hands
I’ll bet this is something HSP/introverts hear a lot.

I was hoping to avoid that in this job, as I’ve previously worked with my new boss, and he praised my detail-orientedness. But that was when someone else was paying for my time, and more importantly, my thoroughness – or not – had no impact on his workload.

The thing is, I can’t work more superficially. Engagement doesn’t have a volume dial for me. It’s either on or off. If I care at all about the work (which is essential), I have to give it my full attention. That’s the only kind of attention I’ve got.

Engagement isn’t the only issue. Continue reading →

The Other Half

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My preschool induction into non-introverted chattiness has had its costs. For instance, I’m in my 50s and still figuring out who I am (see Once upon a time, I thought I knew who I was).

But I’ve mostly been spared the experiences that make so many other introverts seriously pissed off at extroverts. One thing introverts say over and over in blogs and videos is that you simply can’t make extroverts understand introversion. I haven’t yet had to try, so I can’t speak to that. But I had an experience recently that made me wonder whether that doesn’t cut both ways. Continue reading →