Go placidly amid the noise and haste – easy for you to say

Posted in Depression, HSP, Introversion, Journey by sensitivetype

I hate protests. Introvert me hates crowds. HSP me hates the noise and other sensory overload. And angry shouting spikes my trauma survivor anxiety. Intentionally draw attention to myself in the midst of that?! Are you insane??!! Do you not realize there are walls of bodies hundreds deep and traffic jams blocking your escape???!!! (Oh yeah, I definitely realize that).

A sea of tightly packed protestors fills the national mall in front of the U.S. Capitol

Aaakk!!

Last but not least, risk factors require me to avoid contracting COVID at all costs… and my last booster was 6 months ago.

But when in the course of human events any form of government becomes destructive, it’s time to stand up and be counted, even when every cell in my body is screaming “Get me OUT of here, RIGHT NOW!” Trump’s onslaught of chaos hasn’t directly impacted me yet, but it can’t be long before it does. And it’s already hurt so many people, so badly. I can’t stand by and do nothing. I doubt anyone reading a blog called Sensitive Type can.

Vexatious to the Spirit

I’ve been pondering the psychology of Trump and Musk supporters for years. Or rather, psychologies, as there are doubtless different stokes for different folks. In theory, I sort of understand some of them, though in my unboundaried HSP heart, I’m not sure I can ever fully comprehend someone who has repressed awareness of the distress of others. For better or worse, that’s just not a capacity I have.

Trump/Musk devotees, for all their talk of individualism, prefer to travel in herds. Maybe they need the incessant reinforcement and repetition to drown out their inherent perception of reality. So protesters don’t just create crowds for themselves. Those whose lives have already been kicked in the teeth by Trump’s policies need to see they are not forgotten and alone, and those who are beginning to see the light need models for stepping outside of their previous comfort zone.
3 women at a protest viewed from behind, holding hands

Speak Your Truth

This Saturday, April 5th, there will be protests happening all over the U.S., including my small city. I don’t even have to get on a bus, and I have access to a quiet space only a block away if it gets to be too much. Protesting is never easy for me, but I don’t think it can get much less hard than this.

If I can do it, perhaps you can too? Look up your local march location and time, meditate or take kava (or both), scope out a nearby quiet zone in case you need a break, unleash your creative skills on a sign, draft your two friends, put on a privacy-protecting N95 (probably a good idea anyway with all that spittle flying), square your shoulders, gather your resolve, and do what needs to be done.

If you really can’t (I believe you), some locations have scheduled virtual protests for people with disabilities (and thumbs up to whoever finally noticed that protests aren’t for everyone). Just search the Hands Off! site for “virtual.” Since they’re remote, it probably doesn’t matter where you are (but mind the time zones).

Nurture Strength of Spirit

And if you need to vent afterwards, feel free to come back and comment here. I know the private heroism an act like this requires for people like us, even if no one else understands what the big deal is. But unless you’ve been living under a rock or on another planet for the past 2 months, I don’t need to tell you how important it is.

See you there.
Dew hangs from a fragile spider web, against a blurred background

15May2021

Isms

Posted in About Me by sensitivetype

Just a quick post (am I really capable of such a thing? We shall see) to update followers on the issues I was wrastling with in February. I quit the Yale “Science of Well-Being” course after a few weeks, as it was targeted primarily towards those who had bought into competitive materialism all of their lives, which has never been me. Also it was a little too mechanistic in its attitude toward brain science. Research is good, but not everything can be measured. Identity, for example. But hey, go Elis. Really, go. You will probably be much happier away from Yale and its ilk.

Building on the theory that procrastination was a manifestation of crippling yet unconscious anxiety Continue reading →

11Feb2021

HappyStance

Posted in Depression, HSP, Journey by sensitivetype

As I promised I would in my previous post, after I published it, I went and read what Elaine Aron had to say about the distinction between anxiety disorders and HSP overwhelm. The subject is actually an FAQ item on her website.

Fear Itself

The article is quite long, and its messages are rather mixed. I was appalled to find that Aron comes right out and says at one point that anxiety is “normal” for HSPs, therefore it is not a mental disorder in us. This seems like an extraordinarily bizarre and irresponsible statement for a mental health expert to make about 15-20% of the population. However, when you read the whole article, her message is more nuanced Continue reading →

6Feb2021

Is Overwhelm the Same as Anxiety?

Posted in Depression, HSP by sensitivetype

I’ve been grappling with a challenge I variously refer to as procrastination, low motivation, or a need for an astronomical amount of down/processing time, for awhile now. Years, actually. As you can see by my list of labels, the crux of the problem is not solving it (problem-solving is one of my natural strengths), but defining its nature (possibly less of a strength). Longtime readers may recognize this state of bemused non-functionality from the inception of Sensitive Type.

Just to be clear, the tasks I’m having trouble with are self-initiated. Some are associated with work, and I will eventually have to be accountable for them, but there is no one looking over my shoulder from day to day. Others impact only me. Ironically, the space to “be where I am” that I built in to my life in response to my previous crisis reduced the stress of pressure from others, but by also reducing the motivating imperative of deadlines, new stress was born.

Finding the Right Frame

I have framed the issue in many different ways, trying to find one that fits. Continue reading →

23Mar2020

Coping

Posted in Depression, HSP, Introversion by sensitivetype

I wonder if HSPs have an advantage in a crisis, as we are already very familiar with overwhelm. While that’s no guarantee that we are better equipped to deal with it, at least it’s not a new feeling. If we have learned to balance our sensitivities with a sense of perspective, perhaps we can rediscover sooner than others that our emotional reaction is not a measure of our capacity to cope.

Global pandemic really shouldn’t surprise anyone, as we have had a high level of rapid international travel for at least 70 years. What’s surprising is that it didn’t happen sooner. I don’t expect that to be a comfort, but I am ever-hopeful it will promote facing and planning for other future challenges (not holding my breath, though).

Hunkered Down

Continue reading →

2Sep2016

Happy, Shmappy

Posted in Depression by sensitivetype

This entertaining illustrated post by graphic artist Matthew Inman explores happiness fascism, a subject I have addressed once or twice myself. He pillories the vague definition of “happiness,” and compares and contrasts it with meaningfulness, proposing creative flow as a variant of happiness, or at least as a modifier of unhappiness.

I nodded my head all the way through this, but in the end, I don’t entirely agree. Continue reading →

20Jun2016

Take Me Away From All This Death

Posted in Depression, HSP by sensitivetype

An empty cicada husk on the palm of a hand Over the past few months, my life has been touched by death repeatedly. Cultural icons of my youth are dropping left and right, and I’ve learned a new hesitation to track down old friends and acquaintances. I’ve known elders who commented that everyone they knew was dead or dying, but I hadn’t expected to experience that in middle age. It has suddenly become difficult to ignore the inevitability of my own death, which I had fully expected to go on denying for another two or three decades, at minimum.
Continue reading →

8Dec2015

The Nonharmonious Mind in the First Person

Posted in ADHD, Depression by sensitivetype

Cartoon by Dan Meth of a woman carrying a boulder twice her size Here’s a multimedia article with video first person accounts, and great cartoons by Dan Meth. Mental Illness Awareness Week was in October for some people. For others, every week is a mental illness awareness week.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mrloganrhoades/this-is-what-it-feels-like-to-live-with-a-mental-disorder#.ifq0Bngeg

11Oct2015

The (Over)Thinker

Posted in Depression, HSP, Introversion by sensitivetype

An outdoor casting of Rodi's famous bronze statue, "The Thinker" This article proposes an adjustment to a widely used theory in psychology, shifting the definition of “neuroticism” from overly reactive to highly reactive, and concluding that such reactivity offers benefits in the form of foresight, creativity and drive, not just the costs of anxiety and depression. Do I see subtle signs that HSP and introvert advocates are making a dent?

Those who have wrestled with depression and/or anxiety will immediately recognize the references to “Self Generated Thought.” There’s actually an acronym for that, SGT. Who knew? It’s more judgmentally known as “brooding” by those who never do it.

Just because everything’s been said doesn’t mean everybody’s heard it.

I thought for most of my early life that I had very little imagination. In fact, I despaired over it in my twenties, around the same time I realized that everything profound had probably already been said. (I later realized this doesn’t really matter, since wisdom needs a constant stream of carriers across the generations to keep it alive and relevant. Just because everything’s been said doesn’t mean everybody’s heard it).

Twenty years later, when I became conscious of “negative self-talk” and other fantasies of doom that fueled the ouroboros loop of depression, I was ROFL at the notion that I had no imagination. Au, so contraire! In reality, I was constructing scenarios in my mind non-stop. Almost all of my energy went into it. Maybe the content needed a little tweaking, but it had been irrefutably established over decades that I was not only creative, I was extremely focused and prolific!

17Sep2015

Picturing Depression & Anxiety

Posted in Depression, HSP by sensitivetype

Just wanted to share Nick Seluk’s great comic strip, inspired by Sarah Flanigan’s story of what it’s like to live with depression and anxiety. Here’s a frame a lot of us will recognize, but definitely check out the whole thing.