When I was in my teens, I became aware that I experienced a certain kind of connection with some people, but not with others. When I met someone, I “listened underneath” (as I thought of it), and if I couldn’t perceive them that way, was unlikely to feel that we had much in common.
I had forgotten all about listening underneath until recently. Continue reading
Tag Archives: HSP
Valueless Lesson
It’s so annoying to have to leave a job just when you’re getting good at it. I’d like to at least know what happened with my boss. I have the distinct impression our conflict was about something other than it appeared to be. Unfortunately, Mr. Not So Nice After All Guy isn’t owning up. Is that fair? Yeah, yeah, life ain’t. That doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Supposedly, HSPs have superior intuitive and empathetic perception. I’m not entirely convinced on that point. I have been told more than once that I discerned things a person didn’t even recognize about him/herself, usually long after the fact (and mostly by water signs, but that’s another post). On the other hand, I seem to be singularly blind to red flags in an employment context. Continue reading
To Those Who Put Themselves Out There
Well, the axe fell. I’m a little frazzled, but feeling better about it than I expected. In fact, I’m feeling grateful – to all the HSPs and introverts who show themselves through videos and books and blogs and interviews, to help me learn that I can still feel OK about myself, even in moments like this.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
HSP Ethics at Work
Sigh. Just when I was getting on my financial feet again, a big storm blew up at work, and I’m not sure my job will survive it.
This has happened before. Frequently, in fact. When an employer bad-mouthed a single parent co-worker for staying home with a sick child, I felt compelled to stand up for her. I was fired within the week (and so was she, a few months later).
I’ve also departed from several companies over dishonest sales tactics or false promises to customers or clients. Employers salivate over my ability to connect, but become disgruntled when I decline to dishonor those connections to their advantage.
Then there have been more complex situations, involving bullying circles, or employees close to the boss who exploited that situation at the the expense of others. I haven’t always been the target in these situations, but I know what it feels like. I couldn’t stand by and watch the same thing happen to others. Continue reading
The Limitations of Being Highly Sensitive
One of the things that often shows up on lists of HSP characteristics is saying yes to things you don’t actually want to do. My theory is that we go into instant overwhelm when faced with a choice between displeasing ourselves or displeasing another person. Saying yes becomes a panic-stricken release valve to resolve the immediate stress. We feel good about ourselves, and the other person is also happy. Until we have to fulfill, or renege on, our promises, that is.
If you have a lot of trouble with this, here are a couple of videos you may find useful. The first one encourages us, among other things, to take a page from the introvert book (even if you’re an extrovert), and make our default answer “I’ll think about it,” rather than “yes.” Continue reading
Taking Shape – HSP/Introversion & Social Life
I’ve been busy with my new job (which is, happily, working out), so I haven’t had time to do more than think about being an HSP/introvert lately. Nevertheless, I can feel my understanding of both evolving. I’m beginning to see probable HSPs and introverts in my daily environment, as well as to identify them in the memories of my past interactions. It gives me a better understanding of other peoples’ motivations and responses, as well as of my own. I don’t know if I necessarily feel better about people I had conflicts with, but those conflicts feel less personal. I realize that they really didn’t comprehend how I experience things at all. And I didn’t understand that they didn’t understand.
I’m also beginning to perceive at least a little about how introversion and high sensory processing sensitivity are different, especially in the area of interactions. Continue reading
Time Trials
I’m happy to report I’ve found additional work. Less happily, two months in, I’m hearing something I’ve heard too many times before: “Less depth, more speed.”
I’ll bet this is something HSP/introverts hear a lot.
I was hoping to avoid that in this job, as I’ve previously worked with my new boss, and he praised my detail-orientedness. But that was when someone else was paying for my time, and more importantly, my thoroughness – or not – had no impact on his workload.
The thing is, I can’t work more superficially. Engagement doesn’t have a volume dial for me. It’s either on or off. If I care at all about the work (which is essential), I have to give it my full attention. That’s the only kind of attention I’ve got.
Engagement isn’t the only issue. Continue reading
HSP Without a Face
It’s been a few months since I was introduced to the concept of high sensory processing sensitivity. I recognized the amplified physical senses in myself immediately. Issues with noise and other environmental stressors come up constantly. I was already well aware that I experienced these things more intensely than other people (or as I thought of it, that other people were, somehow, unfathomably oblivious to them).
However, it seems like my understanding of the broader implications of being an HSP is not developing much. In fact, it feels quite stagnant. I think this is because I haven’t met any self-identified HSPs, so I don’t know what that looks like. All I have to go on is my internal experience, and you can’t really compare your inside to someone else’s outside. I don’t even know what I look like from the outside! My internal Pattern Maker is frustrated with so little to go on. Continue reading
Networking for the Highly Sensitive Introvert
I went to a holiday party last night. I’m not a party person, but I’m looking for part-time work, and every recruiter and guidance counselor I’ve ever met was jumping up and down in my head, urging me not to miss this opportunity to “network.” I carefully chose my outfit (festive but classy), and created a conversation-starter name tag.
In my imagination, I saw myself chatting and joking with each stranger standing near me, circulating through the room until every person there knew how witty and sharp I was. If they had an opening, they would immediately want to hire me. If not, they’d want to create one just to get me on their staff.
Where do I get these ideas? Continue reading
Is “down time” really down?
One of the first things that caught my attention in Susan Cain’s book, Quiet, was her quotes from people she described as “introverts pretending to be extroverts.” One man said “I need a lot of down time.” That resonated through me like some enchanted gong, growing louder and louder the more I thought about it, and then I realized…
I’m exactly the same way. Continue reading
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